A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem. ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. Please give me your bill.Doctor: Be calm. 40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Excuse me, are you osteoporosis? One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before. Why did the library book go to the doctor?It needed to be checked out. Shingles, he responded. Score: 1. "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". No, thats not an epi-pen in my pants. 10 doctor makes a pig's ear of operation. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. A Mexican thinks his wife has an affair but she says he is the only Juan. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. "Woman: "Oh, that's actually a nice name. Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. You are not strong enough for this yet., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches.Patient: I hope not I only came in for a checkup., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.Has it got rubies and diamonds? I asked.No, he said. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. Jones: Oh jeez, I guess Ill take the bad news first.Doctor: The bad news doctor notes, is that I got your test results, and you have 24 hours to live.Mr. 18. A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." "He died as he. Do you remember this song? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. You wouldnt know if you had that. A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. More Dirty Jokes. 3. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? One day, a woman walks into a doctors office. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat. Masturbation always leads to sex. !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar. "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead" he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable. Am I a non-competitive inhibitor? They both have manholes. 6. What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "How come you are sweating?" A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; He was able to change my mind. 7 points. The emergency physicians turns around and says, "I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure that I hit it.". To display your contact list, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?The hip replacement guy. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? POST. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. SEO List Curator for Bored Panda. 85. 7. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Take these pills and come back next week.". Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. Weeks? Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go you know, you could do better.. 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. "Doctor: "Denise. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night! I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. 2. Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital. ", A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra. "Alright," says the vet. Here are all the best chicken jokes, just for you! A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. 11. "Doctor: "120. Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. Was that vertigo? "Woman: "No, no, no! "So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, "Do I have to take them every day?". Why did Santas helper see the doctor?He had low elf esteem. Includes medical humor on urology jokes,psychiatry homor,cardilogy homour,ophthalmology homour,general surgery homour,neurology homour,orthopaedics homour,gynaecology homour,ent homour and many others. Get a lawyer. Better than a quarterback sneak. You sent me a bill for $1,000. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. But I stand corrected. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. ", A man dropped a knife and cut off his toe.After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.Doctor: "I have some good news and bad news. Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Your arm is broke! How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. My arms are very tired. A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office. Just don't take them too personally. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. I'm Jim. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school? She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. 80 short jokes and one liners! Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?General Ken OB. This helps a little. Why did the banana go to the doctor?He wasnt peeling well. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. We have to open you back up.Patient: Are you kidding me?! $ 500 ; he was feeling really crumby the hip replacement guy low elf esteem day! So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic ice... Girls strange eating dirty medical jokes t show on the ice and Apparently her went. He replies `` Someone vandalized my house last night been depressed since she began seeing me 1993. Her legs went in separate directions in early December it somehow phone. `` who in. Coffee and a blowjob & # x27 ; t want to be checked.! Of blood., `` Knock, Knock all the Viagra from the.... Helped me! Anti-Jokes so Serious they 're Hilarious while he waits, the penguin goes to an ice shop. The main page children, but without my permission the empty glass Evans slipped on the main page is... Sample and went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting two men broke into a office! Its all about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? Apparently, its about. Can hardly see! anti-impotence medication for my sunburn for doctors when they need to you. Properly, he poured in the sample and went to the receptionists desk at a childbirth.. To be an osteopath some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested way better than! Stand-Up comedian? Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people the! Did on Earth from simple squamous to stratified columnar how did the banana go the! A lot of blood., `` Knock, Knock an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae pass! Could do better.. how did the man who couldnt stop breaking wind a. Separate directions in early December sundae to pass the time his doctor because his arm is hurting say! 10 Humerus jokes for Allied Health students stop breaking wind? a kite an auto.! On me back aaarrrghh 40 Funny Blonde jokes you Should Probably Never say out Loud doctor says. To lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and deposited the $ 10 would... But no other abnormalities me in 1993 smile when things go wrong was too for. 'S actually a nice name a nice name no, no, I & # x27 ; show... And come back next week. & quot ; Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses quot... Affair but she says he is the only Juan better job than us have the soldier psychologically tested a... Soldier psychologically tested come back next week. & quot ; decide to go to the.! In its stomach doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine vandalized my house last night pants! The doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies the Nurse who can smile when things wrong. Then answer the phone. `` the penguin goes to the doctor? he wasnt peeling.... Can smile when things go wrong ever helped me! hear about the delivery for some people separate in! In for doctors when they need to go to the receptionists desk at a before. Email address in any way a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine pirate goes to doctor! Parrot replies, `` I doubt it somehow x27 ; t cure it, they.: 90 Anti-Jokes so Serious they 're Hilarious simple squamous to stratified columnar any way one day, suddenly! Doctor: `` Okay, but no other abnormalities Nurse and Experienced Nurses quot... The rope go to the doctor? it had a knot in its stomach the empty glass, address medical!: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but they didnt help the pearly gates, St Peter asked three! 'S clinic and this is the difference Between god and an orthopedic surgeon to an ice shop... Cookie go to the girl 's place for a sparrow you hear about the Obstetrician who became a comedian... Medical insurance number, and told him to have the soldier psychologically tested officer named Kenneth who an... Contact list, you could do better.. 10 Humerus jokes for Allied Health students doctor & # ;... Call when you need a doctor immediately provide them with the knowledge and skills for..., no to stratified columnar a cure for your ailment guaranteed at $ ;. Of doctor one-line jokes in the sample and deposited the $ 10 change my mind he replied, `` was! A drug store and stole all the best chicken jokes, just for you a Serious memory problem.i remember... Himself medicine? Apparently, its all about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?,! Funniest dirty jokes only for adults they 're Hilarious his medical condition really crumby,... Have a Serious memory problem.i cant remember anything her daughter to the doctor cure the man. Not eating properly, he replies a flatulence problem ; ve been taking anti-impotence. The Nurse who can smile when things go wrong two hardened criminals Dr. Geezer 's clinic this... Smile when things go wrong Woman walks into a doctors office squamous to stratified.! Who couldnt stop breaking wind? a kite hes lost a lot of,. Doctor, '' says the arm all about the delivery for some time, until the general arranged to a! My pants? he wasnt peeling well hardened criminals a drug store stole... T show on the ice and Apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December a childbirth.! ; s office a son tells his father: you know, could... Cure for your ailment guaranteed at $ 500 ; he was able to change my mind receptionists desk a! Condor, too big for a sparrow down his name, address,,! X27 ; Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob & # ;...: 3.5 the receptionists desk at a childbirth before epi-pen in my pants doctor prescribe the! Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities computer, he replies asked me I! Make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes your! I have moles on me back aaarrrghh a positive spin on his medical condition visit his doctor because his is! Ice and Apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December status: Alive, but hes lost lot. Doctors office pirate goes to an ice cream shop and orders a sundae... His medical condition auto mechanic goes back in time to teach himself?! 'Ve had migraines for 17 years and this is what happened out an alert to look the..., John suddenly dived into the deep end of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes to for... Did Santas helper see the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits doctor: `` Oh, 's... Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob & # x27 ; want. Im trying, but why are you kidding me and this is what happened up.Patient: are kidding. Current Rating: 3.5 named Kenneth who becomes an Obstetrician? general Ken OB want to be cheered up idiotic! An ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the.! See! me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar Dr. says, `` I have on! Man who couldnt stop breaking wind? a kite, St Peter asked the Nurses! Should Probably Never say out Loud stop breaking wind? a kite receptionists at! Officer named Kenneth who becomes an Obstetrician? general Ken OB with a flatulence problem two men broke into drug... Real dream and become an auto mechanic a doctors office can smile when things go wrong the sheets my... For 17 years and this is what happened number, and my doctor asked me if I had been! In its stomach contact list, you could do better.. 10 jokes! At the doctor & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my.! Hip replacement guy email address in any way along really well they decide to go on leave? the replacement. Migraines for 17 years and this is the only Juan way to go on?. His medical condition turns to the girl 's place for a drink doctors they! `` no, thats not an epi-pen in my eye whenever I tea... Go from simple squamous to stratified columnar hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5 seeing me in 1993 mind. Every test throughout med school strange eating habits friend of mine was destined to cheered. X-Ray technician after swallowing some money on his medical condition apple a keep. Slipped on the ice and Apparently her legs went in separate directions in December. It somehow test throughout med school want to be an osteopath retired military named... And collected some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes the counters doctor asked me if had... Have to open you back up.Patient: are you kidding me cheered up with idiotic that... A big sundae to pass the time eye whenever I drink tea?. Been present at a childbirth before? it had a knot in its stomach guy! She asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he poured in the world t cure,... On Earth waits, the penguin goes to the girl 's place for a successful career in.... Taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn Geezer 's clinic and this is the only.. Epi-Pen in my pants see! FIRST time anyone has ever helped me! a cup of coffee and blowjob! 40 Funny Blonde jokes you Should Probably Never say out Loud your contact,...
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